A lot can be said about the desire to clean; intrinsic for some but a nuisance to most, cleaning and I have never been good friends. The facts are simple. I was never really taught how, only barked at to clean my room and put stuff in drawers. I was also never really taught how to manage my anxiety as a child, thus causing panic attacks where I would shut down instead of clean. Unfortunately, some of these habits have chased me into adulthood and I long for the day they move on.
Tuesday, November 8 was the day that I decided to change my life. Yes, I promised to write on this blog but as you can tell by the lack of posts in a month, some darkness got the better of me and I was not able to progress on many goals. I will write on these thoughts later.
I went to bed that night in tears, reading posts from Facebook friends being chided for their race, having people welcome them in to "Trump's America", one that I never volunteered to be part of. I went to bed feeling like a failure, hopelessness surrounding me once more.
The next morning, I took all the hate and pent up rage and cleaned the shit out of my house.
Its not an act of nobility or one that will change the planet but I had to do something. My house being dirty and disorganized is a metaphor of my heart. How can I be a safe place to others if my heart is not in order?
Per the advice of my mother-in-law, I have begun to read "The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up". Late to most parties, I realize that most of the world has consumed this beautiful book but it is astounding and revelatory to me. I'm learning more about myself, my place in the world, and my stuff's place in the world. Though others may not see this as much, it is changing my life and clarifying my brain more than ever.
I have been revived, partially by my despise of the President-Elect. I am empowered by the women and men who are taking a stand, showing me that I can take a stand too and my voice matters. My voice will not be spending lots of money this holiday season, nor will I be using services or businesses that supported Donald Trump (so long, Home Depot). As a white millenial woman, I will do everything in my power to stand up for my friends and myself. There is no room for hate in this life we live as it is so short.
The same could be said for an untidy space. America has become such an untidy place or maybe its just easier to see now. I'm going to try my best to clean it up.
