Five Days

Hey.

If you know me, you know I can sometimes be dramatic...or something to that affect. Well, I'm trying to change that part of my life. And lots of other parts of my life, too. Through lots of great counseling, anxiety medication, and husband cuddles, I've been able to get through the summer of hell.

You see, my dad was diagnosed with cancer in March 2016. Well, he was told that he may have cancer in February 2014. He pushed his body to the limit, and I can see why. He cares for my mom in ways that are not always the smartest, though he means well.

My mom has dementia, which you might know. In 5 days from now, on my 29th birthday, it will have been 5 years since she had the seizure that changed all our lives forever. I was sure I would lose her and in many ways I have. What I did not know was how much I would lose myself.

I have lost a LOT of myself, and as my next birthday looms just a few days away, I think I need to reevaluate some things.

29 is a scary number.

There's so much riding on it. I have many friends who are far more "successful" than me, who own businesses, have children, and houses. They are successful in the ways I believed that I should have been by now. But you know, dealing with economic crisis as well as (literally) crazy parents will make those things a bit difficult.

That's all the heavy stuff for right now. I promise.

So, when you're clutching on to the last days of 28, wishing you had kept X promise to yourself or maybe not spent sooo much time on Imgur, what do you do?

Create a challenge for yourself, duh!

I've actually been thinking about this for awhile. I like attainable challenges especially since most of the challenges I've been facing have not been necessarily something you can quantify or do the same way every time with the same result. Trust me. Mom basically eats like a toddler--not always like the cute ones, either. She's more of the maybe I'll eat this today or maybe I'll try my damnedest to get you to leave me alone and fetch me a Dr. Pepper. Well, she can't say it in so many words, but I know what's up.

Thirty is a good number. I've got a few days head start, too, as I've been considering the rules for myself. I'm super awful at following rules and I blame the Sims. Wait for payday to add a door to your house? Screw that, here's ctrl+shift+c and kaching--instant simoleons!

Uh, anyway. Here is how I think this challenge should play out.

30 goals within one year.

Sure.

These will be boiled down into smaller, less terrifying categories that can be measured. Some of these things I'm already working on but this challenge is a good motivator to finish the projects already.

Here's what I'm thinking:

Category 1: Health
1. Get off high blood pressure medication
2. Control PCOS (oh boy, that's going to be a long ass blog post)
3. Participate in a marathon (note: I did not say run)
4. Find a sport/activity that I like and will actually do
5. Build a good relationship with my body and food

Category 2: Finances
1. Chunk some credit cards
2. Save $1000 (this is way harder than you'd think)
3. Actually follow a freakin' budget
4. Plan for the future/invest
5. Figure out what the hell to do with my car

Category 3: Spiritual
1. Discover what my beliefs truly are (that's probably going to be enough for, like, multiple books)
2. Find a group of similar thinkers/believers
3. Make meditation a practice
4. Something else.
5. Uh, another thing?

Category 4: Emotional
1. Find a therapist in Austin. (I miss you, N!)
2. Implement better coping mechanisms
3. Deal with my family
4. Journal
5. Believe in myself (also really vague...trying to tighten that one up.)

Category 5: Creative
1. Finish documentary
2. Write a short story
3. Submit documentary to a film festival
4. GO TO AN AUDITION
5. Take headshots
6. Create website with writing samples
7. Apply for jobs that might be out of my reach
8. Record a new podcast
9. Network
10. Paint

Creative has the most because that is what I feel has been lacking in my life for so long. Those types of goals are actually attainable, I think, and are ever expanding. I mean, this whole list is,  but I ain't worried about it. It's a starting point of self-discovery and its a journey.

I'll work on those other two spiritual goals. Maybe I'll ask the hubs once he's done cursing at the TV (he's playing the Metroid games for GameCube if anyone is wondering).

-c