Well, totally in a slump lately.
Trying to get a job (well, technically I've been subbing and also have been applying to a million other places) and keeping up with school and cleaning the apartment and getting yelled at by friends on the Internet and trying to work on my documentary but being "scared" and wishing things were different.
This is what has been consuming my mind as of late.
My goals are not even in the forefront of my mind, except one: my documentary.
Working out fell by the wayside when we went to Dallas and to the fair. Surprisingly I didn't indulge in much this year since a lot of the prize winning foods looked absolutely ratchet. Give me some corn, a hot dog, or swirly potatoes, but that's where I draw the line anymore.
Struggling a lot with anxiety. I gave up my medication without a doctor's consent (dumb, I know) because I couldn't afford to go to the doctor. Won't have insurance again until December, so, that's great.
Also struggling with immense amounts of guilt.
Guilt for living in a new place away from my parents.
Guilt for deciding to terminate my relationship with my brother.
Guilt for buying a car I can't keep up with.
Guilt for failing a class.
Guilt.
Guilt.
Guilt.
You can insert any other phrases or words after "guilt", such as "for eating a McFlurry after dinner" or "for not cleaning the bathroom when it's so stupid easy, you lazy animal". Stuff like that.
I feel like I've been backsliding in my progress that I made with counseling due to us simply not being able to afford it. Can't afford to do anything, really, and its driving me out of my damn mind. We don't have a couch, just a shitty little futon thing that is broken (Justin miraculously figured out how to salvage the dumb thing) that I sit on while Justin sits in my brown chair. It's really fucking annoying. Who knows when we'll be able to afford a couch.
No, the house isn't unpacked or perfectly clean and I'm sure you're asking yourself "What the hell does she do all day?" and I'm asking myself the same thing and maybe you aren't asking it at all but I'm assuming you are because of said guilt.
The day usually goes like this:
1. get up with Justin
2. tell him goodbye and I hope he has a good day
3. Make eggs in the microwave, which I have become a pro at lately, and watch an episode of Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia
4. Watch another episode
5. Text Justin
6. Feel guilty and annoying
7. Apologize
8. Homework
9. Ask him about lunch
10. Either go and get lunch with him or scour for food at home
11. Probably go to HEB just because I can go in there and snoop around without it being weird
12. Buy a soda I shouldn't drink
13. Feel like crap because of said soda
14. Nap
15. Apply to jobs
16. Research shopping malls
17. Immediately feel like a failure
18. Browse online for stuff I can't have
19. Feel guilty some more
20. Justin returns, usually he's too tired to do anything so we eat and watch TV and I hate my life.
That's pretty much what my day looks like and how I'm adjusting to Austin.
Its great.
Friday, October 14, 2016
Friday, September 30, 2016
Step 1: Forming good habits
This blog was going to be about how I'm mad at myself for getting to be as fat as I am, that I didn't finish CG--in fact, I only went to that camp once. Instead of berating myself for "failing", I'm starting right now. September is always a busy month, but when your last semester of college begins and you are still driving to Dallas about 4-5 times a month to help your parents out the busyness seems to increase tenfold.
I'm going to post my stats here and start everything from today's date, except food tracking. MyFitnessPal has been my enemy lately since it is kind of hard to calculate what you eat sometimes, especially if its homemade. I'm making meatloaf tonight but without bread in it (remember, the wheat allergy? ugh.). I hope it will let me plug in a recipe someone has already made into my counter, otherwise, I'm just starting over tomorrow. One day at a time.
I am taking before and after pictures but those are for my use only. Mainly until I have SOME kind of progress. I really don't want full body pictures of me floating around on the Internet.
Most likely I will not be returning to CG or anything that intense until I drop some pounds. After doing it one time, I royally screwed up my knee. Its tight and is hard to bend all the way, which makes driving and walking up three flights of stairs difficult. With that being said, I'm going to focus my efforts on getting into HABIT.
My husband has utilized the app Habitica, where you are playing a turn based RPG based on your life. It's great for him but not for me. I've tried it and while I enjoy the graphics, I'm not good at setting my goals as different levels...I don't even know. He loves it, so if you're interested in it, talk to him about it.
Instead, I just signed up for a website that is crudely titled and I'm digging it. Entitled "Go F***ing Do It", you basically set a deadline and a goal, create a monetary wager with yourself, and input an accountability partner's email. They don't charge your card...unless you fail. I set the minimum bet, which is $25, just because my goal was super lofty and I can't change it now. Whoops. 60 lbs by February, why not?
Money is a good motivator for me...so we'll see how this goes.
My stats today, September 30, 2016 are as follows:
Weight: 242
BMI: 39.1 (Obese)
Can't find our flexible measuring tape so I can't do those stats at the moment. By February 2, 2017, I want to weight 180 lbs. That's when I felt my strongest and fittest and I think once I get down there, I can figure out if I really want to reach for 140.
The habits I'm trying to create within the next three weeks are:
1. Eating when hungry
2. Drinking water ONLY
3. Exercise regularly (Note: I don't plan on running or anything, because of said knee injury. I will be utilizing Richard Simmons/Leslie Sansone DVDs, the treadmills, swimming pool if its still warm, and free weights in the apartment gym)
4. Positive self-talk
5. Relax
Here we go!
I'm going to post my stats here and start everything from today's date, except food tracking. MyFitnessPal has been my enemy lately since it is kind of hard to calculate what you eat sometimes, especially if its homemade. I'm making meatloaf tonight but without bread in it (remember, the wheat allergy? ugh.). I hope it will let me plug in a recipe someone has already made into my counter, otherwise, I'm just starting over tomorrow. One day at a time.
I am taking before and after pictures but those are for my use only. Mainly until I have SOME kind of progress. I really don't want full body pictures of me floating around on the Internet.
Most likely I will not be returning to CG or anything that intense until I drop some pounds. After doing it one time, I royally screwed up my knee. Its tight and is hard to bend all the way, which makes driving and walking up three flights of stairs difficult. With that being said, I'm going to focus my efforts on getting into HABIT.
My husband has utilized the app Habitica, where you are playing a turn based RPG based on your life. It's great for him but not for me. I've tried it and while I enjoy the graphics, I'm not good at setting my goals as different levels...I don't even know. He loves it, so if you're interested in it, talk to him about it.
Instead, I just signed up for a website that is crudely titled and I'm digging it. Entitled "Go F***ing Do It", you basically set a deadline and a goal, create a monetary wager with yourself, and input an accountability partner's email. They don't charge your card...unless you fail. I set the minimum bet, which is $25, just because my goal was super lofty and I can't change it now. Whoops. 60 lbs by February, why not?
Money is a good motivator for me...so we'll see how this goes.
My stats today, September 30, 2016 are as follows:
Weight: 242
BMI: 39.1 (Obese)
Can't find our flexible measuring tape so I can't do those stats at the moment. By February 2, 2017, I want to weight 180 lbs. That's when I felt my strongest and fittest and I think once I get down there, I can figure out if I really want to reach for 140.
The habits I'm trying to create within the next three weeks are:
1. Eating when hungry
2. Drinking water ONLY
3. Exercise regularly (Note: I don't plan on running or anything, because of said knee injury. I will be utilizing Richard Simmons/Leslie Sansone DVDs, the treadmills, swimming pool if its still warm, and free weights in the apartment gym)
4. Positive self-talk
5. Relax
Here we go!
Thursday, September 29, 2016
few
The past few days have been absolutely crazy. With it being close to finals time, I'm at the top of my A game of procrastination. After the class is over, perhaps I will bore you with reasons why one of my professors this quarter is kind of insane. I will leave that for later. (P.S. I know, most professors are actually, in fact, INSANE)
I've done a couple of cool things that have inspired me. Coming off of my anxiety meds was a little challenging, considering two days after I did it I was back home in Dallas, dealing with the same things I was dealing with a month ago. Dad is better, though; his speech is not as clear but it seems that his head is. The debate that happened Monday night was a complete eye opener to me and I wrote a blog about it that has received over 123 views! Whaaat?! This is incredible and it has motivated me to keep writing. I also have this post on BuzzFeed if you'd care to take a read. It's more about everyone being annoyed by politics rather than stating any opinions.
Maybe its because I'm off the meds, don't feel like doing homework, or because I realized how much is at stake with this next election that I'm back on the writing grind. I've got several things up my sleeves, and Justin and I are even cracking up some ideas. It's going to be wild, I promise.
The weight loss/health thing is kind of stagnated at the moment. Once all this work is finished, I will have more time to prepare. I also need to just get more organized in general and that will help. Walking will be an option once this weather calms itself down a little bit more.
I'm just so incredibly thankful right now. Can't put my finger on why or how this shift happened. There are a few other things I want to discuss, but for now, I must get to work on my analytical essay on The Red Violin. Help.
I've done a couple of cool things that have inspired me. Coming off of my anxiety meds was a little challenging, considering two days after I did it I was back home in Dallas, dealing with the same things I was dealing with a month ago. Dad is better, though; his speech is not as clear but it seems that his head is. The debate that happened Monday night was a complete eye opener to me and I wrote a blog about it that has received over 123 views! Whaaat?! This is incredible and it has motivated me to keep writing. I also have this post on BuzzFeed if you'd care to take a read. It's more about everyone being annoyed by politics rather than stating any opinions.
Maybe its because I'm off the meds, don't feel like doing homework, or because I realized how much is at stake with this next election that I'm back on the writing grind. I've got several things up my sleeves, and Justin and I are even cracking up some ideas. It's going to be wild, I promise.
The weight loss/health thing is kind of stagnated at the moment. Once all this work is finished, I will have more time to prepare. I also need to just get more organized in general and that will help. Walking will be an option once this weather calms itself down a little bit more.
I'm just so incredibly thankful right now. Can't put my finger on why or how this shift happened. There are a few other things I want to discuss, but for now, I must get to work on my analytical essay on The Red Violin. Help.
Sunday, September 25, 2016
"progress"
Ok, so, all the progress I made is gone. Here is a quick update on my goals. Thanks to my friend's (Hey Victoria!) suggestion, I'm definitely going to make the goals far smaller and more tangible. It might be a challenge but that's ok. That's what this whole experience is.
The reason I haven't been sticking with it or making much progress is due to several reasons.
1. I've not been feeling great. My knee feels like shit after doing the Camp Gladiator workout, plus, you know, living on the 3rd floor. Also have been hella lethargic and after discussing it with Justin discovered--
2. MY ANXIETY PILLS, BRO. They have been stalling my weight progress/making me want to eat ALL the carbs, making me droopy and drowsy, and I am done.Weened quit cold turkey about four days ago. They were great while I needed them, however being away from my family has been such a relief that I no longer feel the need to continue taking the damn things.
3. My depressing was getting worse. The pills were not helping anything because I had nothing to be anxious about but the overwhelming feelings of worthlessness and fatigue became too much. My husband is my cheerleader but I shouldn't have to rely on him all the time to make me feel better. I need to figure out how to cope with shit.
Here is the plan for this week:
1. Take Dad to his post-treatment cancer appointment at the VA
2. Finish my short story homework for the semester
3. Begin homework for my other class (whoops)
4. Wash every. bit. of. laundry.
5. Go to meditation on Thursday morning
6. Make a financial plan for savings, etc.
That should be it. I would like to try to get to yoga if I can, but if my knee keeps being stupid I may have to stick to my Sweatin' to the Oldies DVD. Don't hate, it's awesome. Seriously. I wish I had found that years ago.
The reason I haven't been sticking with it or making much progress is due to several reasons.
1. I've not been feeling great. My knee feels like shit after doing the Camp Gladiator workout, plus, you know, living on the 3rd floor. Also have been hella lethargic and after discussing it with Justin discovered--
2. MY ANXIETY PILLS, BRO. They have been stalling my weight progress/making me want to eat ALL the carbs, making me droopy and drowsy, and I am done.
3. My depressing was getting worse. The pills were not helping anything because I had nothing to be anxious about but the overwhelming feelings of worthlessness and fatigue became too much. My husband is my cheerleader but I shouldn't have to rely on him all the time to make me feel better. I need to figure out how to cope with shit.
Here is the plan for this week:
1. Take Dad to his post-treatment cancer appointment at the VA
2. Finish my short story homework for the semester
3. Begin homework for my other class (whoops)
4. Wash every. bit. of. laundry.
5. Go to meditation on Thursday morning
6. Make a financial plan for savings, etc.
That should be it. I would like to try to get to yoga if I can, but if my knee keeps being stupid I may have to stick to my Sweatin' to the Oldies DVD. Don't hate, it's awesome. Seriously. I wish I had found that years ago.
Thursday, September 15, 2016
grace period
Man, has this month gotten the best of me.
It's not all my school work or job hunting that did it. It is the culprit behind many days of inability to work, focus, eat, or be comfortable. She haunts your dreams.
SHE visited.
You know, the Shark Week, Girl-Time, evil demon spawn in my lower abdomen that causes my whole life to stop unexpectedly. I'm usually excited for this because it means my body is finally working correctly, but it is always painful. ALWAYS. I have never had a cycle where I could go play tennis like in those stupid tampon commercials. This was an unexpected visit, since I started a new pack of pills. Nine. Days. Of. Hell.
Needless to say, I've stopped taking those pills and will go back on another hormone product soon. Part of this whole self care stuff is paying attention to my body--something I honestly never did before. This is a terrible habit I've picked up from my parents, I will admit. Thinking about it now, the food I eat, the hours I sleep, every single effing habit I have affects me in ways I may not even understand. This is part of my journey, I keep telling myself.
In that bodily purgatory, I became so fatigued that my brain lost most clarity. Homework assignments sounded absolutely stupid like a seventh grader wrote them. I know there are smart seventh graders, but just hear me out, kthx. I also neglected to get out of bed most of the time, as well as forgetting to take my pills.
Oops.
All my pills.
High blood pressure and anxiety.
Well, then.
That caused a HUGE spiral. I felt like I had been making some progress in the positivity department and not taking any medication stripped that away from me. My husband can attest to my miserable nature during this time. It was not pretty.
I'm back on all forms of medication, minus the BC, and feel pretty good. It's been about 4 days so not all the medicine has kicked in.
Tuesday I took a step closer to my goal of fitness and health by attending my first ever Camp Gladiator session. I was terrified. Of course, I was the first one there because of how scared I am of being late. Maybe that's actually a control freak tendency of mine...don't answer.
I set up, talked to the trainer, realized I had to use a port-o-john, freaked out at said port-o-john though it was cleaner than any I've ever seen, then came back to my mat. GREAT. Of course. Two little college girls set up right in front of me. Full make up, cheerleading ponytails, skinny as a rail. Great.
Someone set up next to me who looked normal. My definition of normal is someone who is a bit nerdy, doesn't wear makeup to work out, and doesn't wear booty shorts to a workout where you will be on the concrete. I chatted with her before the warm up, then made acquaintances with another girl who was my body shape and type. I felt at ease.
These were some of my thoughts during this torturous one hour extravaganza:
-Running is the worst thing ever invented.
-Who knew the butt had so many muscles?
-I should have bought a cool water bottle.
-Are they judging me for my pink yoga mat?
-I don't like pink that much...
-I think I might die.
-Why is everyone so damn happy? We're exercising!
Overall, I'm super happy and proud of myself I went. It was the hardest workout I've done in a realllly long time, but it will make me stronger.
This whole experiment to accomplish all these goals is to make me a better human. Within the next couple of weeks, I'm going to figure out how to structure the goals per post and how to achieve them. As soon as we can afford it, I plan on getting a white board calendar or something so I can chart everything. That way J knows what is going on and he can add to it, too.
Its all about baby steps. Today? My goal is low carb. No soda. No sweet tea. Ok, maybe half and half tea.
I've also been contemplating attending an Overeater's Anonymous meeting. We'll see how that plays out.
Round 2 of CG tonight. Wish me luck! (send help)
It's not all my school work or job hunting that did it. It is the culprit behind many days of inability to work, focus, eat, or be comfortable. She haunts your dreams.
SHE visited.
You know, the Shark Week, Girl-Time, evil demon spawn in my lower abdomen that causes my whole life to stop unexpectedly. I'm usually excited for this because it means my body is finally working correctly, but it is always painful. ALWAYS. I have never had a cycle where I could go play tennis like in those stupid tampon commercials. This was an unexpected visit, since I started a new pack of pills. Nine. Days. Of. Hell.
Needless to say, I've stopped taking those pills and will go back on another hormone product soon. Part of this whole self care stuff is paying attention to my body--something I honestly never did before. This is a terrible habit I've picked up from my parents, I will admit. Thinking about it now, the food I eat, the hours I sleep, every single effing habit I have affects me in ways I may not even understand. This is part of my journey, I keep telling myself.
In that bodily purgatory, I became so fatigued that my brain lost most clarity. Homework assignments sounded absolutely stupid like a seventh grader wrote them. I know there are smart seventh graders, but just hear me out, kthx. I also neglected to get out of bed most of the time, as well as forgetting to take my pills.
Oops.
All my pills.
High blood pressure and anxiety.
Well, then.
That caused a HUGE spiral. I felt like I had been making some progress in the positivity department and not taking any medication stripped that away from me. My husband can attest to my miserable nature during this time. It was not pretty.
I'm back on all forms of medication, minus the BC, and feel pretty good. It's been about 4 days so not all the medicine has kicked in.
Tuesday I took a step closer to my goal of fitness and health by attending my first ever Camp Gladiator session. I was terrified. Of course, I was the first one there because of how scared I am of being late. Maybe that's actually a control freak tendency of mine...don't answer.
I set up, talked to the trainer, realized I had to use a port-o-john, freaked out at said port-o-john though it was cleaner than any I've ever seen, then came back to my mat. GREAT. Of course. Two little college girls set up right in front of me. Full make up, cheerleading ponytails, skinny as a rail. Great.
Someone set up next to me who looked normal. My definition of normal is someone who is a bit nerdy, doesn't wear makeup to work out, and doesn't wear booty shorts to a workout where you will be on the concrete. I chatted with her before the warm up, then made acquaintances with another girl who was my body shape and type. I felt at ease.
These were some of my thoughts during this torturous one hour extravaganza:
-Running is the worst thing ever invented.
-Who knew the butt had so many muscles?
-I should have bought a cool water bottle.
-Are they judging me for my pink yoga mat?
-I don't like pink that much...
-I think I might die.
-Why is everyone so damn happy? We're exercising!
Overall, I'm super happy and proud of myself I went. It was the hardest workout I've done in a realllly long time, but it will make me stronger.
This whole experiment to accomplish all these goals is to make me a better human. Within the next couple of weeks, I'm going to figure out how to structure the goals per post and how to achieve them. As soon as we can afford it, I plan on getting a white board calendar or something so I can chart everything. That way J knows what is going on and he can add to it, too.
Its all about baby steps. Today? My goal is low carb. No soda. No sweet tea. Ok, maybe half and half tea.
I've also been contemplating attending an Overeater's Anonymous meeting. We'll see how that plays out.
Round 2 of CG tonight. Wish me luck! (send help)
Friday, September 2, 2016
Happy birthday to me!
Yesterday was--by far--the best birthday that I can recall having in years. My friend Emily came to Austin with her baby girl and spent the night Wednesday. We ate lots of yummy food, including gluten-free cupcakes (which are the best kind btw) and watched lots of Stranger Things. LOTS of Stranger Things.
Thursday, we ate at one of my favorite breakfast spots and we then went shopping. It was so relaxing; no pressure to do anything but what I wanted to with people I love.
Today is the first real day of my challenge to myself. I've taken the first steps in pushing myself towards the right direction, like making a list of things to accomplish today and today alone. Sadly, I'm feeling the attack of the unexpected monthly visitor right now and all I want to do is EAT BREAD. Any kind of bread. With mayonnaise on it, or just cheese, or bacon. Oh my gosh, just all the bread.
But, can't do that anymore. Sigh.
I'm in the process of reorganizing the list as I've decided to add a couple of spiritual gifts, including curating and caring for friendships. The more time I've spent actually talking to my friends about my issues instead of stuffing them down with a huge bowl of mashed potatoes and gravy, the more I feel like a real, legitimate person.
Here's to the start of a fantastic new year!
Thursday, we ate at one of my favorite breakfast spots and we then went shopping. It was so relaxing; no pressure to do anything but what I wanted to with people I love.
Today is the first real day of my challenge to myself. I've taken the first steps in pushing myself towards the right direction, like making a list of things to accomplish today and today alone. Sadly, I'm feeling the attack of the unexpected monthly visitor right now and all I want to do is EAT BREAD. Any kind of bread. With mayonnaise on it, or just cheese, or bacon. Oh my gosh, just all the bread.
But, can't do that anymore. Sigh.
I'm in the process of reorganizing the list as I've decided to add a couple of spiritual gifts, including curating and caring for friendships. The more time I've spent actually talking to my friends about my issues instead of stuffing them down with a huge bowl of mashed potatoes and gravy, the more I feel like a real, legitimate person.
Here's to the start of a fantastic new year!
Sunday, August 28, 2016
Pre-Gaming
I've never been a partier, but as a fan and viewer of copious amounts of Seth Rogen movies, I know that "pre-gaming" is getting ready for a party before you go...usually by consuming alcohol before you consume more of it. There will be no alcohol consumption for this lady but I did decide to get a jump start on some of my goals.
Recently, Camp Gladiator was having a sale for one day only where their camp was--wait for it--EIGHT. DOLLARS. How could I pass up that price?! I'm a little scared about doing a boot camp again, though. My knees are a little more fragile since I've gained so much and have had a somewhat sedentary job for the past few years. The instructors seem really cool and I'm super excited to start. There are TONS of locations in Austin, which is helpful. I chose the one near my husband's work so if I have a near-death experience, he's close by.
Swimming has never come naturally to me. I remember being in swim classes with my mom when I was very little and the water was only two feet high. Even with her permed head in the distance, I was terrified. When I got older, at the same rec center (Rosemeade represent!), I took swimming classes and sucked horribly. I naturally just kind of sink.
My in-law's have a fantastic pool that we swim in occasionally when we go over there. I've gotten better over the years with more focus and practice. Hubs and I would have races to see who could swim fastest. Usually it was him. Ok, like, 99.9% of the time it was him. But he's tall.
Tonight I decided to start swimming again. My sister suggested we go swimming the few times she's been in Texas this summer and I'll be honest--swimming makes me tired. I'm also embarrassed by my crappy swimming and her being much more fit than me (side note: this is very hard for me to confess, but I am trying to grow as a person, right?). I just never had it in me to go swimming around anyone.
Our apartment complex has a pretty nice, shallow pool right next to our building. This summer it has been inundated with gaggles of children and drunk people but since school started, its been much calmer. I got my bikini on (yep, you read that right), kissed my hubby goodbye and let him know where I was going, and marched down our three flights of stairs towards the pool.
I noticed a family swimming, but it was fine. The dad was trying to teach these two little kids to swim with their boogie board things. I used to love mine. The mom was very friendly and helped me get into the gate...which was really confusing.
After setting down my towel, I debated whether or not to take off the clothes over my suit. There were little kids, after all, and why should they be subject to my hideous form? I took a deep breath, told myself that I have every right to be there too, and they ARE kids. They need to see people that are different than them.
Off came my glasses, and I stepped into the pool. It was nice and comfortable but being blind in there isn't fun. Now I know why Arthur wore his glasses while swimming all the time!
I completed some laps, not touching thankyouverymuch, did some leg and arm kicks, and ran across the pool, doing a set of 10 pushups when I reached each end. In that time, one of the kids was curious and started swimming to me. I was just doing leg exercises and complimented her by saying what a good swimmer she is. She looked back at her mom, then to me. "Thank you," came from her little voice. "You're a good swimmer, too."
After that sweet exchange, I felt a bit more confident about my abilities in the water. This little kid didn't make a comment about what I looked like. She was just trying to be kind and friendly. How lovely is that?!
I cannot tell you how accomplished I feel for doing something so small. I'm trying to get my act together and am so happy I've found one type of exercise that doesn't hurt my feet or legs and that feels great. I plan on googling for more aqua aerobic exercises.
This is what I call pre-gaming.
Tomorrow, I'm going to catch up on my homework as well as go to an orientation meeting for a really awesome volunteer opportunity. New friends, opportunities, and adventure. Sounds like a great way to start my birthday week!
Recently, Camp Gladiator was having a sale for one day only where their camp was--wait for it--EIGHT. DOLLARS. How could I pass up that price?! I'm a little scared about doing a boot camp again, though. My knees are a little more fragile since I've gained so much and have had a somewhat sedentary job for the past few years. The instructors seem really cool and I'm super excited to start. There are TONS of locations in Austin, which is helpful. I chose the one near my husband's work so if I have a near-death experience, he's close by.
Swimming has never come naturally to me. I remember being in swim classes with my mom when I was very little and the water was only two feet high. Even with her permed head in the distance, I was terrified. When I got older, at the same rec center (Rosemeade represent!), I took swimming classes and sucked horribly. I naturally just kind of sink.
My in-law's have a fantastic pool that we swim in occasionally when we go over there. I've gotten better over the years with more focus and practice. Hubs and I would have races to see who could swim fastest. Usually it was him. Ok, like, 99.9% of the time it was him. But he's tall.
Tonight I decided to start swimming again. My sister suggested we go swimming the few times she's been in Texas this summer and I'll be honest--swimming makes me tired. I'm also embarrassed by my crappy swimming and her being much more fit than me (side note: this is very hard for me to confess, but I am trying to grow as a person, right?). I just never had it in me to go swimming around anyone.
Our apartment complex has a pretty nice, shallow pool right next to our building. This summer it has been inundated with gaggles of children and drunk people but since school started, its been much calmer. I got my bikini on (yep, you read that right), kissed my hubby goodbye and let him know where I was going, and marched down our three flights of stairs towards the pool.
I noticed a family swimming, but it was fine. The dad was trying to teach these two little kids to swim with their boogie board things. I used to love mine. The mom was very friendly and helped me get into the gate...which was really confusing.
After setting down my towel, I debated whether or not to take off the clothes over my suit. There were little kids, after all, and why should they be subject to my hideous form? I took a deep breath, told myself that I have every right to be there too, and they ARE kids. They need to see people that are different than them.
Off came my glasses, and I stepped into the pool. It was nice and comfortable but being blind in there isn't fun. Now I know why Arthur wore his glasses while swimming all the time!
I completed some laps, not touching thankyouverymuch, did some leg and arm kicks, and ran across the pool, doing a set of 10 pushups when I reached each end. In that time, one of the kids was curious and started swimming to me. I was just doing leg exercises and complimented her by saying what a good swimmer she is. She looked back at her mom, then to me. "Thank you," came from her little voice. "You're a good swimmer, too."
After that sweet exchange, I felt a bit more confident about my abilities in the water. This little kid didn't make a comment about what I looked like. She was just trying to be kind and friendly. How lovely is that?!
I cannot tell you how accomplished I feel for doing something so small. I'm trying to get my act together and am so happy I've found one type of exercise that doesn't hurt my feet or legs and that feels great. I plan on googling for more aqua aerobic exercises.
This is what I call pre-gaming.
Tomorrow, I'm going to catch up on my homework as well as go to an orientation meeting for a really awesome volunteer opportunity. New friends, opportunities, and adventure. Sounds like a great way to start my birthday week!
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